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Ephemeral Senectitude


      Days of pastel blues and lusterless reds could fill the inevasible blind pages to come.  I see the splendor of my own antecedence, or rather the privation thereof.  Once bound in a twirl of youthful folly now I marvel, can they not see?

I think they too, as I once, choose drunkenly, willfully to be ensnared by the false comfort of never‑ending youth; the pervasive: “There will be time”.

Though I have traveled many roads and stumbled on paths bleak,

yet onward I plod; defiant, I stand in the face of waning possibilities.  Though it may seem as brackish waters to the weak of spirit, nevertheless, I thrive.  I have decided to dominate that which lies waste.  Failure, you shall not take me!

I swim in a sea of spring-tide, the deep brims with life about me, thus I find an odd solemnity in the fray.  Is this path unfeigned or am I simply a Jester in the King’s court?

The years stretch before me in never‑ending ribbons of time.  I have my feet inexorably placed.  Peradventure, I will but wilt when the summer stretches.  No!  I think not; I am woven of finer fabric.

As a ship in a storm, I was tossed by peering eyes.  I have no such pain now for none are my equal.  I am isolate.  There is none but me.  Expressionless faces fill the rooms; empty visages whose contemplations are now insignificant, paled by their youth or perhaps my lack there of.  Life’s sails are unfurled and replete.  Oh such peace in muffled voices!  It is time to move on.

To think of the things to come is to see them at my feet.  I cannot be moved from this quest.  I am as the waters in route to the sea: though the way be long, the end is sure.  Perseverance, endurance, determination are my bedfellows and one day we shall bare fruit.

Glance at the stars, behold their light, none shines as bright as the day of my triumph.

But wait!  Look!  My triumph starts today! I am at the beginning of my success; nevertheless, raise not the banners neither prepare them for that day that I should work through the night.  Faint not oh spring of faith, give me full measure of your life fulfilling grace.

I shall achieve my goal for I am the better now than I was in yesteryear.  When I was a child I dreamed as a child with juvenile goals and a youngster’s heart.  I had youth and strength but not maturity nor determination.  Today I have strength and maturity, determination and a man’s heart; therefore, I am the better made for the tasks at hand.

Though one has spirit and youth if he hath not understanding his eyes will likely wander to other fields green.

As years wrote upon my face, I learned to make my own pasture bountiful, beautiful and green.  For I have discovered that none can satisfy so completely as that which is truly earned.

The man I am today has become the one who heals himself.  I have and shall conquer: fear and failure.

I succeed for I declare this to be God’s will.

Written by: Steven R. Harrel                                                        5/13/1998