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Ephemeral Senectitude

 

      Days of pastel blues and lusterless reds could fill the inevasible blind pages to come. I have seen the splendor of my own antecedence, or rather the privation there of.  Once bound in a twirl of youthful folly now I marvel, can they not see?  I think they too, as I once, choose drunkenly, willfully to be ensnared by the false comfort of never‑ending youth; the pervasive, there will be time.

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Though I have traveled many roads and stumbled on paths bleak, yet onward I plod; defiant, I stand in the face of waning possibilities. Though it may seem as brackish waters to the weak of spirit, nevertheless, I thrive.  I have decided to dominate that which lies waste.  Failure, you shall not take me!

I swim in a sea of springtide, the deep brims with life about me, yet I find an odd solemnity in the fray.  Is this path unfeigned?  Am I a Jester in the King’s court?

The years stretch before me in never‑ending ribbons of time.  I have my feet inexorably placed; peradventure, I will but wilt when the summer stretches.  No!  I think not; I am woven of finer fabric.

As a ship in a storm, I was tossed by peering eyes.  I have no such pains now for none are my equal.  I am isolate.  There is none but me.  Expressionless faces fill the rooms; empty visages whose contemplations are now insignificant, paled by their youth or perhaps my lack there of.  Life’s sails are unfurled and replete.  Oh such peace in muffled voices!  It is time to move on.

To think of the things to come is to see them at my feet.  I cannot be moved from my quest.  I am as the waters in route to the sea: though the way be long, the end is sure.  Perseverance, endurance and determination are my bedfellows and one day we shall bare fruit.

Glance at the stars, behold their light, none shines as bright as the day of my triumph.  But wait!  Look!  My triumph starts today; this is the beginning of my success; nevertheless, raise not the banners; rather, prepare them for that day for I work through the night.  Faint not oh spring of faith, give me full measure of your life sustaining grace.

I shall achieve my goal for I am the better now than I was in yesteryear.  When I was a child I thought as a child with juvenile goals and a youngster’s heart.  I had youth and strength but not maturity nor determination.  Today I have strength and maturity, determination and a man’s heart; therefore, I am the better made for the task at hand.  Though one has spirit and youth if he hath not understanding his eyes will wander to other fields green.  As the years write upon my face, I will learn to make my own pasture bountiful and green.  I have learned that none can satisfy so completely as that which is truly earned.  The man I am today has become the one who heals himself.  I shall conquer fear and failure.

I shall succeed for I declare this to be God’s will and He is with me.

By Steven R. Harrel                                                              Written May 13th 1998

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