I Wasn’t Listening
The weekend at the family cabin had been great fun but the ride home was turning out to be rather painful vehicle-wide. After two children and more than twenty years of marriage things continued to get heated whenever we discussed the number of children we currently had and the number I still dreamed of raising. This was not one of our happier subjects. We debated for nearly half an hour before Pam and I finally decided neither one was going to give an inch. When we did finally pause, our thirteen year old son, Aaron the ever present peacemaker, slipped in a question he hoped would untie the knots of our conflict; he said,
“Hey dad, when did you first realize you wanted to marry mom?”
Though I was still a little irked, I began sharing the occasion when God told me to return from Fort Hood Texas to Phoenix, Arizona where I was to find Pam and ask her to marry me. Pam quickly interrupted my account saying, “No Steve, that wasn’t the first time the Lord said we were going to get married. The first time was when we were dating. That’s why I broke up with you.”
Almost immediately the incident was refreshed in my memory and I said, “Oh yeah! So that’s why you broke up with me? I always kind of wondered about that. Wow, I do remember that now. I had almost forgotten the incident.” Turning to Pam I then asked, “Would you like to share that story with the kids?” Pam indicated she wanted me to relay the story, so I did.
“As you know, mom and I have known each other since we were little, six and eight years old. However, it wasn’t until she was fourteen (and started to develop) and I was sixteen that we started to take notice of one another [The summer of 1975]. We were sitting in her room under her mother’s eagle-eye chatting about life when suddenly I received a Word of Knowledge. Because of this Word, I knew Pam and I would get married when I was nineteen and we would one day have two children, a girl and a boy (in that order). So as was my custom (dumb sixteen year old boy) I blurted out, “Guess what I just heard in my knower.” I said, “When I’m nineteen we are going to get married and have two kids, a girl and a boy!” Well, Pam broke up with me two days later; as a result, I did not see her for months or think about that specific Word of Knowledge until that day on our return trip from the cabin.
So now we return to the homeward bound road-trip following the cabin weekend with our son attempting to play peacemaker. Aaron boldly declared, “Hey dad, if God told you at sixteen you were only going to have two kids, then why are you mad at mom? God told you a long time ago you would only have two kids!”
I remember the physical sensation clearly; it was as if all bitterness, desire and unhappiness simply flowed down and out of my arms and legs. Though I would like to have had more children, I was set free from the hurt I previously experienced. Even after seventeen “more years” of marriage we have not since argued about having more kids. Thank you Lord.
The incident however caused quite the epiphany for me! In previous years we had argued over my desire for more children and her satisfaction with only two. Why hadn’t I just listened to the Word God have given me when I was sixteen? In truth, it was because I did not truly value the Words of Knowledge as I should have. Those Words from the Lord had become a part of my identity with my receiving self-gratification through the feelings which made me feel special. At that time feeling special meant more to me than the actual message given by the Creator. Fortunately, by God’s grace, I have learned that lesson well.
I began to wonder about all the other Words of Knowledge, prophecies or visions previously given by God for which I was and had continued to take for granted. For this reason, the following day I began recording every prophecy, Word of Knowledge or vision I could remember during my life. It has been quite an eye-opening experience. In the past I recounted prophecies or Words of Knowledge out of a, check me out – aren’t I cool, motivation. Today those feelings are thankfully behind me. Every Word from the Lord is important and thankfully they are not about my image. Recounting a Word from the Lord is now about serving the Lord and our people. God allowed me to live and learn for God is merciful and patient.
The God encountered autobiography which has followed has now extended to nearly 100 pages of detailed “True Life” encounters. I marvel that the pages only reflect the encounters I have had time to record. God is so very good at all times and in every possible way?
Thank you my Lord! 🙂